You Dress Like An Asshole Funny Infomercial

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You Dress Like An Asshole Funny Infomercial 
I am a small business owner and I'm creating a funny Youtube commercial for my online store -- I'm looking for someone to record a voice over, it is about 30-60 seconds long. The video will be in the style of a funny infomerical, there will be some profanity so I'm looking for a voice over actor who is okay with that.

Here are a couple of examples of VOs that have the style I am looking for:

or (the VO starts around 1:05, this ad is closer to the style of the video I'm creating. It's going to be a funny infomercial)

I've included most of the script. There are notes on what's going on on the video but the VO parts are actually the only things I'd need you to record. I just included the other details so you can picture what you're narrating.

I need a VO actor who can record in their own studio and send the audio files to my video editor (FTP, email, Dropbox, etc. is fine). Please let me know how many revisions are included in your rate. 
2017-07-15 16:19:35 GMT
2017-07-19 12:58:38 (GMT -08:00) Pacific Time (US & Canada) 
Yes (click here to learn more about Voice123's SmartCast)
Closed and fulfilled
8 direct invitation(s) have been sent by the voice seeker resulting in 4 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.
Voice123 SmartCast is seeking 15 auditions and/or proposals for this project (approx.) Invitations sent by SmartCast have resulted in 15 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.

Project Parameters

The Voice Actor should be located in:
Fixed - USD 150
Adult content
Via Internet: internet so not geographically specific
English - USA and Canada
Middle Age Male
• Audio files must be delivered via email OR
• Audio files must be delivered via FTP/Dropbox/Google Drive/cloud
• Deliver edited and finished voice tracks
Not defined
This is a non-union project
this is going to be a funny infomercial so I'm looking for a good infomercial voice over that will sound serious

Script Details

(Video starts with black and white. VO narrates scene. Our hero, a straight laced looking young guy in khakis and a tucked in button down, is walking though his neighborhood. He smiles at a girl, she rolls her eyes at him and calls him an asshole. Hero looks baffled. VO begins...)

V.O. Does this ever happen to you?

(Hero continues walking, Other stuffy looking guy sees him and waves, hero starts to wave back and stuffy guy says "yeah! white guys! alright!" and tries to high five. Hero looks offended and shocked.)

V.O. Or this?

(Hero keeps walking and now a college guy in a pink polo with a popped collar approaches and tries to shove a flyer into his hands. He says "Bro, bro! Party tonight, Alpha Beta House! Gonna be so dope! Tons of sluts and we've got roofies!" Hero looks horrified.)

V.O. or this?!

V.O. Do you ever wonder why people treat you like a racist, sexist, fashion-challenged square?

(Hero nods at camera, desperate for a solution)

V.O. It’s because you dress like an asshole. Here, try this.

(Scene is now in color. Hero is wearing a Boredwalk tshirt and jeans. He looks much hipper and more relaxed. He is at a party with other cool people wearing Boredwalk tshirts.)

V.O. Attract less dick-ish people!

(Girls at the party are chatting up the hero)

V.O. Be more attractive to the opposite sex!

(Cute guy at the party winks suggestively at the hero)

V.O. Or the same sex!

(A werewolf, wearing a Boredwalk tshirt is also at the party and now flirting with the hero)

V.O. Or curiously androgynous were-beasts!

(Everyone is having a great time at the party and loving the hero's new look)

Please note that you should only use the script or your recording of it for auditioning purposes. The script is property, unless otherwise specified, of the voice seeker and it is protected by international copyright laws.

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