Seeking Funny Olde English Witticism for Card Game

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Project Main Details

Seeking Funny Olde English Witticism for Card Game 
We're about to publish a humor-based bluffing card game based called Sheriff of Nottingham, an exciting game of bluffing, bribery, and smuggling for 3 to 5 players.

In the Sheriff of Nottingham, you are a merchant trying to deliver your goods to market. The players take turns assuming the role of Sheriff, who must decide which merchant’s bags to inspect and which to let by. As a merchant, your goal is to convince the Sheriff to let you in—by any means necessary! At the end of the game, the merchant who has collected the most gold is the winner!

This audio is for a companion mobile app that will serve as a round timer. While the timer is counting down and players are trying to strike deals with the sheriff, they'll hear ambient background noise of a bustling old world crowd, and random commentary from nosy and irritated merchants waiting to get into the city:

"Well there's a liar if ever I saw one."
"Beautiful day for delivering purely legal commodities."
"Do I have to give consent before he touches my sack?"
"Outrageous! Harassing a job creator?!"

We are seeking three voice actors to speak roughly 40 lines of audio each, giving the entire application about 120 randomly spoken one-liners.

Voice talent should come swinging with their best Ye Old World accent. All of the dialog should feel at home as background chatter in a Monty Python film.

Since this is a card game / hobby project, we're on a shoestring budget. If you're up for doing a fun project, however, boy do we have one for you!

Note: The app offers the option to unlock "The Naughty Pack", which includes audio prompts suited for a more adult audience. If you have objections to making crude and thinly-veiled references to the human anatomy... then you're not living life to the fullest. 
2014-07-04 01:28:50 GMT
2014-07-08 21:00:00 (GMT -06:00) Central Time (US & Canada) 
Yes (click here to learn more about Voice123's SmartCast)
0 direct invitation(s) have been sent by the voice seeker resulting in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.
Voice123 SmartCast is seeking 50 auditions and/or proposals for this project (approx.) Invitations sent by SmartCast have resulted in 50 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.

Project Parameters

The Voice Actor should be located in:
Fixed - USD 100
Others (on-camera, infomercials, live announcers, spokespersons)
1 Pages
English - British OR English - USA and Canada
All of the dialog should feel at home as background chatter in a Monty Python film. We'll be using the King's English, we will. No, it's not dead yet.
Young Adult Female OR Young Adult Male OR Middle Age Female OR Middle Age Male OR Senior Female OR Senior Male
• Audio files must be delivered via email OR
• Audio files must be delivered via FTP/Dropbox/Google Drive/cloud
There are no special pre-, post-, or production requirements for this project.
Not defined
The voice seeker is willing to hire either union or non-union talents for this project

Script Details

***Please submit a custom demo*** 
Please choose any three (or more) of the brilliant one-liners below:

Lies! All lies. Don't believe a word of it.
COMPLETELY trustworthy, sir. Ironclad Nottingham Guarantee.
THERE'S the one you should be searching Sheriff. A face only a mother could trust.
100% organic commodities, fresh from Nottingham...
Beautiful day for delivering purely legal commodities.
If I were you Sheriff, I'd have a good look at that sack there.
That bag does not look like its filled with chickens.
* under the breath* That's not even a good lie.
Search his sack. I hear he likes it.
Oh look Sheriff. My coin purse accidentally fell into your hand. 
Please note that you should only use the script or your recording of it for auditioning purposes. The script is property, unless otherwise specified, of the voice seeker and it is protected by international copyright laws.

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