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After all, if you think about it, we are born alone and we all die alone, but we can use that fact to energize our lives instead of slipping into defeatist, victim mindset. Let go of grudges, let go of anger, and let go of the “me, me, me” attitude that is plaguing our world today. Through healing, you may find that you now want to go and help others who have suffered through a similar experience and help them heal and move on with their lives.An enormously valuable skill to learn is the ability to discern acceptable behavior and to set limits with others. Setting boundaries helps me take care of myself in relationships and keeps me from being a victim. My responses to boundaries helps me evaluate the quality of my ineraction with others. Sometimes setting limits can be scary. The fear that you may anger the other or destroy a relationship is very palpable oe sometimes the the boundaries can be too rigid, hoping you may never have to deal with the problem again. To set reasonable and effective boundaries, it's important that I discern the difference between my responsibilities and someone else's. You cannot set boundaries and take care of someone else's feelings at the same time. Imagine a castle. Boundaries are the drawbridge connecting the castle with the world. When the drawbridge is down, people can walk freely back and forth. However, when danger is sensed, the drawbridge rises to protect the castle. You will become emotionally shut down if you allow your drawbridge to stay closed for too long. Eventually, your castle will become musty and foul inside. After some time, it may become difficult to distinguish between real and imagined threats. If I immediately shut down my feelings in reaction, i usually end up hurting myself or someone else. Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it is up to me how open or closed I'll be at any given time. Boundaries, however, aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit. Setting limits requires some degree of communication skills because others cannot read my mind nor I theirs. Others need to know how I feel and I need to lovingly communicate my feelings. Sometimes I make choices in my own best interest that others don't understand. If my boundary is not respected, I communicate my limit, and in quietness and serenity, do what is needed to take care of myself. I have to recognize my responsibility to honor myself as a person worthy of respect. I am more mindful of my boundaries when I am around those that I do not trust. If I allow my boundaries to be violated repeatedly, I am a volunteer rather than a victim. Today I have the option to set limits, to draw a line that I will not allow to be crossed.It is in "Letting Go" that I know peace and freedom, the priceless gift of serenity. I never have to feel abandoned or empty again. Being clear about what is acceptable to me is a tool I use to take care of myself. Ask yourself, What does it mean to let go? Sometimes I have a hard time opening up and Letting Go into my true magnificence. I often refrain for fear that others will misunderstand or criticize me. Holding back seems a sad misuse of energy. Letting go of the past It's time to give myself and others a second chance. I need to alter my attitudes and actions.I learned to take care of myself even around people with whom I have a long and painful history. I can lower my expectations with people and choose to be happy with progress not perfection. I can assert my needs and respect others whose desires differ from my own. My eyes are now open to my choices, and I choose to act in ways that allow me to respect myself.Today I choose to be gentle with myselfand to love unconditionally while detaching from the past. Taking this risk is a giant step, which I know woill benefit me immeasurably. Wasnt I expected to solve my own and everyone elses problems, have all the answers, and support the behavior patterns, no matter how destructive? The answer lies not in letting go of people but in letting go of my outworn, painful thinking patterns. I can replace them with honesty, openness, and willingness to change into a more positive person. Letting Go is like a tree shedding its leaves in autumn. It must let go of them to grow and produce even more beauty in the following spring and summer. Letting go of what I do not truly need-whether it be old thoughts, things, or behaviors-makes room for new growth in my life. One technique for letting go is called the ball technique. This technique helps me let go of work when I come home with my head full off unfinished business. There is a basketball hoop at a nearby park. Before I go into my home, I play one on one with myself. With each shot, I imagine the ball is one of my work projects. If the shot is good, I have turned the problem over. If I miss, I keep shooting. After I take this time for myself, I can go comfortably into the house. I can pass that pain onto others. I can tell someone I feel angry or uncomfortable with their behavior and say what I mean without being mean when I say it. The more I stand up for myself, the more willing I am to forgive. Once I discuss my anger or hurt with the other person, it often becomes clear that the my resentment is about a one-time mishap I blew out of proportion. In other cases my resentment is based on a persistent pattern of behavior I'm not willing to accept. I forgive the other person because that is what I need to do for me. Sometimes forgiving includes letting go of a harmful relationship and moving on. It is natural to want to control. I am not on this planet to control others. I am here to change and grow the best I can in order to pass my message onto others. I lead by example. Then I can make choices about what action I will or will not take. I am free to take care of myself in any way I deem necessary, whether or not anyone else likes my choices. I learned how to recognize danger signals in the behavior of others and how to respond appropriately.
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