Humor Hotline

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Project Main Details

Humor Hotline  
This is a fun and simple humorous IVR project. The final product is intended to be funny and will end up on a phone line.

As far as reading goes, we don't have a specific tone in mind. So, as mentioned before, humor should be the end goal.

Thanks for reading, and best of luck! 
2010-07-12 15:40:10 GMT
2010-07-29 15:00:00 (GMT -05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada) 
Yes (click here to learn more about Voice123's SmartCast)
0 direct invitation(s) have been sent by the voice seeker resulting in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.
Voice123 SmartCast is seeking 100 auditions and/or proposals for this project (approx.) Invitations sent by SmartCast have resulted in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.

Project Parameters

The Voice Actor should be located in:
To be defined
Adult content
< 1 Page
English - USA and Canada
Young Adult Female OR Young Adult Male OR Middle Age Female OR Middle Age Male
• Audio files must be delivered via email
There are no special pre-, post-, or production requirements for this project.
Not defined
This is a non-union project

Script Details

***As far as reading goes, we don't have a specific tone in mind. So, as mentioned before, humor should be the end goal.  

You have reached the ********************, a convenient tool for calculating just how “hot” the person you’re hitting on really is. Whether you call it beer goggles, vodka vision, or Captain and Coke Cataracts, the fact is, that the attractiveness of the person you're thinking about hooking up with has been altered by the alcohol you’ve consumed and this ******************** is the only fool-proof method for determining how attractive your potential target ACTUALLY is.


If you’ve had one, two, or three drinks…What you’re seeing is pretty much what you’re getting. You may be overlooking little things, like nose hairs, a slight unibrow, or a little earwax, but if you’re feeling it, definitely go for it!

If you’ve had four to seven drinks… Ok. Things are not exactly as they seem. Look at the person you’re hitting on and add about twenty pounds. Throw in a couple of love handles and maybe add an extra chin. If it’s a girl, add a slight moustache; if it’s a guy, add a set of man-boobs. Still ok with that? If so, then go for it!

If you’ve had eight to twelve drink… Yikes! Now add 60 more pounds. Recede hairline by two inches. Increase size of butt from “tight little can” to “gadunk a dunk.” Now add back hair, stretch marks, and thunder thighs. Heck, just picture the absolute nastiest, most disgusting person you could imagine waking up next to. Guess what? That’s probably who you’re looking at, so proceed with caution!

If you’ve had more than twelve drinks… Wow! Well that would certainly explain why you’re actually calling and listening to the ridiculous ramblings of a “*********************! Look, you’re obviously hammered, so just how attractive do you think YOU are right now? And do you think anybody who would go home with YOU right now isn't a couple few several drinks deep themselves?! So the official advice of this ******************** is… [drum roll]…

Take whatever you can get! ************ have been helping ugly people have sex for hundreds of years so hang up the phone right now and go get some ass!!! Besides, even if it’s a mistake, it’s not like you’re going to remember any of it tomorrow! 
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