Funny Tech Support

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Project Main Details

Funny Tech Support  
We aren't very sure what would sound best for this line. We are considering an Indian accent (a la outsourcing) or a condescending computer geek or anything else that you can come up with that would sound like a believable (but SLIGHTLY exaggerated) tech support person.
STRAIGHT READS ARE ALSO VERY WELCOMED! The purpose of this line is to be funny, but we want that to mostly come from what is being said and not necessarily how it's being delivered. This is to be recorded and played back over the phone to a dial-in audience, so your read must be clear. We do NOT want a character or accent so over-the-top that he or she is impossible to understand. We also need the read to be fast enough to hold a caller's interest, but not unintelligible. CLARITY IS VERY IMPORTANT HERE! We have a preference for talents who can do ISDN or phone patching, but this is NOT a requirement. 
2010-06-29 10:42:07 GMT
2010-07-06 10:54:11 (GMT -05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada) 
Yes (click here to learn more about Voice123's SmartCast)
Closed - Note: This project was manually closed by the voice seeker before it reached its original deadline.
0 direct invitation(s) have been sent by the voice seeker resulting in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.
Voice123 SmartCast is seeking 50 auditions and/or proposals for this project (approx.) Invitations sent by SmartCast have resulted in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.

Project Parameters

The Voice Actor should be located in:
To be defined
Adult content
Approx 300 Words
English - Other
Indian or Computer Geek or Other
Young Adult Male OR Middle Age Male
• Audio files must be delivered via email
There are no special pre-, post-, or production requirements for this project.
Not defined
This is a non-union project

Script Details

***We are considering an Indian accent (a la outsourcing) or a condescending computer geek or anything else that you can come up with that would sound like a believable (but SLIGHTLY exaggerated) tech support person. STRAIGHT READS ARE ALSO VERY WELCOMED!  
Thank you for calling the ***********************************, where we’ve helped literally dozens of people troubleshoot their computer problems. We may not be able to resolve your issue, but we’ll do our best to speak condescendingly and try to make you feel like as much of an idiot as possible. That’s our guarantee!

-So, are you having trouble getting your computer to turn on? Make sure it’s plugged in. That’s one of those common sense things that brainless douche-bags like you often forget to do.

-Is your computer running abnormally slow? Try deleting all that dirty x-rated pornography clogging up the hard drive, you sick, twisted, porn-addicted pervert.

-Are you getting an error message asking you to reinstall your operating system? Well here’s a wild idea for someone with the common sense of a dyslexic squirrel on crack, try reinstalling your operating system.

-Is your computer making weird noises? Why don’t you try smacking it around a little? Hitting your computer is a good solution to a wide variety of problems.

-Did you accidentally download a virus? You should’ve had an anti-virus program installed beforehand; now you’re screwed – and not in the good way.

-Is your screen frozen? Instead of doing something logical like restarting your computer, try listening to that little voice in your head that’s telling you to unfreeze the computer by placing it in the oven or microwave until it thaws out.

-Did your computer detect spyware? Uh oh. That is not good. All your personal account information has already been sold on the black market, your identity has been stolen, and your life is ruined. You might as well just give up.

If the aforementioned troubleshooting techniques did not work for you, try smashing your computer against your face repeatedly. That should put both of you out of your misery. 
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