Funny Palin Gay Marriage Debate Line

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Funny Palin Gay Marriage Debate Line 
We would like to invite you to audition for us! We've posted this project before and didn't quite find what we were looking for. We sat down to re-evaluate the direction in which we'd like to go with this project and decided that we would like to hear it read by Sarah Palin. And since she wasn't taking our calls, we were hoping to find a voice talent able to do a convincing impression. The original instructions are after the jump. Everything that ISN'T marked as "Voice 2" is to be read in the Palin voice. The Voice 2 sections are provided only for context.
This script is a satirical spoof on arguments against gay marriage. This is meant to be read over the phone to a dial-in audience and, as such, should be read quickly enough so that the caller doesn't lose interest or become distracted enough to hang up. We want a read that's quick, but not unnaturally so. The caller should be able to understand everything being said and there should be no dramatic pauses or drawn out pronunciations. We have a strong preference for talents who are able to do ISDN or phone patching, but these are not requirements. 
2010-06-09 11:02:37 GMT
2010-06-16 10:00:00 (GMT -05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada) 
Yes (click here to learn more about Voice123's SmartCast)
0 direct invitation(s) have been sent by the voice seeker resulting in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.
Voice123 SmartCast is seeking 70 auditions and/or proposals for this project (approx.) Invitations sent by SmartCast have resulted in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.

Project Parameters

The Voice Actor should be located in:
To be defined
IVR, voicemail, phone systems, and on-hold messages
Approx 300 Words
English - USA and Canada
Sarah Palin
Middle Age Female
• Audio files must be delivered via email
There are no special pre-, post-, or production requirements for this project.
Not defined
The voice seeker is willing to hire either union or non-union talents for this project

Script Details

PLease read a sample of the script. 
Thanks for calling the Gay Marriage Debate Line. You are about to hear 3 fair and balanced arguments for why Gay Marriage is wrong and should be illegal in America. You will then have an opportunity to register YOUR opinion.

#1) Change is ALWAYS bad and it can NEVER be adapted to.
[VOICE 2:] That is why women still cannot vote, why slavery is still legal, and why America has failed to adapt to societal changes like electricity, telephones, and the internet.

#2) Marriage is a sacred institution and legalizing GAY marriage would ruin the purity and sanctity of STRAIGHT marriages.
[VOICE 2:] Like the 55-hour-long, just-for-fun marriage by Britney Spears and all 26 of the collective marriages of American icons Kenny Rogers, Martin Scorcese, Liz Taylor, and Larry King (5 each for Kenny and Martin; 8 each for Liz and Larry).

#3) Legalizing gay marriage will only encourage people to become gay.
[VOICE 2:] In much the same way that the American Disabilities Act encouraged people to become disabled and the Civil Rights Act encouraged people to become black.

You have just heard three fair and balanced arguments AGAINST Gay Marriage. If you agree with these arguments and think that gays and lesbians should NOT be allowed to marry, press one now. (very slight pause, like half a second) If you understand sarcasm and recognize the ridiculously illogical nature of these arguments, press two now to show your SUPPORT for the legalization of gay marriage.
(Pause) Again, press 1 if you are AGAINST gay marriage. Press 2 if you SUPPORT gay marriage.

Thanks. You are one of MILLIONS of Americans in SUPPORT of Gay Marriage. Please feel free to pass this phone number on to help spread the word that marriage should be an option for ANY couple and that denying it is about as logical as the “fair and balanced” arguments you just heard.

You have indicated that you either fail to recognize the obvious sarcasm in the “fair and balanced” arguments you just heard OR you are simply opposed to equal rights for all people. Either way, your vote has been counted AGAINST “Gay Marriage” because this opinion line recognizes the rights of ALL people to voice their opinion - even if that opinion happens to be that all people are not entitled to equal rights. 
Please note that you should only use the script or your recording of it for auditioning purposes. The script is property, unless otherwise specified, of the voice seeker and it is protected by international copyright laws.

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