Apocolypse Hotline

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Project Main Details

Apocolypse Hotline 
Hello - Thank you for auditioning for our project.

The read should be quick paced without sounding hurried. Basically it should be fast, but still authentic. We don't have anything specific in mind regarding tone, but the end result of this should be humorous.

Thank you and Good Luck! 
2012-05-18 14:58:25 GMT
2012-06-04 17:00:00 (GMT -05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada) 
Yes (click here to learn more about Voice123's SmartCast)
0 direct invitation(s) have been sent by the voice seeker resulting in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.
Voice123 SmartCast is seeking 100 auditions and/or proposals for this project (approx.) Invitations sent by SmartCast have resulted in 0 audition(s) and/or proposal(s) so far.

Project Parameters

The Voice Actor should be located in:
To be defined
IVR, voicemail, phone systems, and on-hold messages
1 Page
English - ANY
Young Adult Female OR Young Adult Male OR Middle Age Female OR Middle Age Male OR Senior Female OR Senior Male
• Audio files must be delivered via email
• Translate the copy AND
• Deliver edited and finished voice tracks
Not defined
The voice seeker is willing to hire either union or non-union talents for this project

Script Details

***custom demo required*** 
Hello. Thank you for calling the End of the World advice hotline. As you may have heard, the Mayans have predicted the end of the world to occur on December 21, 2012. That is bad. BUT, it’s not ALL bad news. There is an Ancient Mayan proverb that says “When life gives you lemons... make lemonade.” This Mayan proverb has recently been translated by scholars to mean: “When the world is about to end… eat, drink, and frank.”

The following are the Mayans’ Top 10 suggested life changes to make because the world is ending.

#1 (pause) - If you have a job, quit. If you’re in school, drop out. No one deserves to spend their last days on earth staring at Excel spreadsheets, TPS reports, or studying for exams.
#2 (pause) - Stop trying to learn Spanish and Chinese. We'll all be dead before the Mexicans take over America and the Chinese take over the world.
#3 (pause) - Stop trying to save endangered species; we're all endangered now.
#4 (pause) - Stop buying gold; start buying cocaine.
[Alt] #4 - Stop buying stocks, bonds, and life insurance. Start buying booze, drugs, and hookers.
#5 (pause) - Stop your fantasy football research; the world will end before your week 16 league championship. And don’t even think about keeper leagues.
#6 (pause) - Stop doing charity – unless Charity is the name of a hot stripper.
#7 (pause) - Stop saving for your children's future - Little Timmy’s not going to college, so use that money to buy booze, drugs, and hookers.
#8 (pause) - Start wearing sweat pants and snuggies everywhere; it just doesn't matter anymore, so be comfortable.
#9 (pause) - Stop paying off credit cards and mortgages after July, it's takes creditors at least 6 months to begin the recovery process. Instead use that money to buy booze, drugs, and hookers.
[Alt] Instead use that money to buy more booze, drugs, and hookers.
#10 (pause) - Drop your standards and start hitting on people much uglier than you. You’re no longer looking for a spouse, just an orgasm. No need to be picky anymore. Besides, beauty is always just a light switch away.
10B. (pause) - Shoot for the stars and start hitting on people much hotter than you who would normally be out of your league. There’s always a chance they already called this phone number and hung up after the previous “drop your standards, go for uglies, beauty is a light switch away” advice, so you might have a shot!

#11. (pause) - Get extra cheese and extra bacon on EVERYTHING. Cholesterol doesn’t follow you to the afterworld.
And finally, the very best thing about the world ending is... No need for condoms after April! [Baby cry]

In conclusion… The world is going to end. There’s nothing you can do about it. So you might as well go out with a bang. So pass this phone number on to spread the word that EVERYONE should heed the Mayans ‘ advice: “Carpe the Diem!” That’s a Mayan expression that means “Eat, drink, and frank!”. 
Please note that you should only use the script or your recording of it for auditioning purposes. The script is property, unless otherwise specified, of the voice seeker and it is protected by international copyright laws.

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